August 12, 2012

So I decided to end my therapy, haven't told Rob yet. He's not going to be very happy, but it got to be too expensive. Oh well.

Time to get up, got to go to Cheyenne and get Kasey.

August 5, 2012

So here we go, another Sunday, here and gone. Some days I wonder where the days go, especially during the summer. Kasey is gone for a week, and 15 more days until school starts.

Tomorrow I have another therapy session. Is it working? Only time will tell.

Had a dream last night that Rob left me. Always the same dream, he leaves. After 15 years I still think he's going to leave, just like everyone else. My father, my mom, every man I've loved, no wonder I feel this sense of abandonment.

I met with my therapist, we talked, I talked, wait, I talked she asked questions. She wants me to write down every day my highsand lows. I have what's called Anhedonia. No emotions, Numb, comfortably numb? No just numb. I have kids, do you know how hard it is to raise daughters, while having a mental breakdown? Yesterday I spoke with my boss and have decided to go part time, PRN. Scary, right? No insurance anymore for my family. I can pick it up, at great expense though. This bites, can't even have a breakdown like a normal person !?! Thats funny! Normal people. Is there such thing???

So you see the water drops on the window, that's how I feel, everyday. Even on mt best days. How stupid! I can't help how I feel though. I spent 6 days in the Nut Hut. Best 6 days of my life! I am doing 1:1 counseling with a therapist now, and have my own psychiatrist to handle my mess. Yay!!!! Anyway, just wanted to start somewhere. I'll be back.